by Karelle Scharff

Recently, I’ve been confronted with two situations where clients have asked for help working with their teenager’s computer. The issues have been typical teen issues— their sense that they’ve crossed a threshold into semi-adulthood, entitling them to more rights than they are developmentally equipped to handle.
In both cases, the parents thought they were doing their children a favor by allowing them to buy their own laptop. Both children were reportedly doing well in school and had lots of friends with whom they spent time. One was an accomplished athlete, the other into music, and they had good, “normal” relationships with their parents. And within a short time of having this cool tech toy that they could take into their bedroom, behind closed doors, both had seen their grades decline dramatically, their behavior became surly, defiant, and deceitful, they’d lost interest in outside activities, and their friends never called anymore.

If you watch TV you’ve seen the ads that describe that very behavior and suggest that your child may have a drug problem, but in neither of these cases were drugs involved. One child had become addicted to gaming, the other to Facebook and IM, to the extent they would often stay up all night, playing or chatting, with their schoolwork undone and be unable to participate in class because of lack of sleep. Their frustrated parents asked me to turn on the parental controls on their children’s computers. It remains to be seen whether that’s enough.

This is not a blanket condemnation of video games, social networking, or laptops for teens. However, there’s a significant body of studies that assert that some teens (never mind younger children), are not developmentally ready to handle the responsibility of a computer of their own, without supervision and parentally imposed limits. And there are a growing number of disturbing reports of teens using technology to bully or humiliate another child, often instigated by the child “sexting,” and sometimes ending in such shame that the child commits suicide.

Here are some questions I would ask myself to determine whether a computer is becoming a problem in my child’s life:
- Is my child getting enough rest?
- Is homework getting done in a timely way?
- Are his grades stable or improving?
- Does she still participate in other activities, like sports, music, outdoor play?
- Does he have an active social life that is NOT on the computer?
- Is she willing to give you her password to her computer and all her accounts?
- Does he share with you what goes on in his computer life?
- Does she try to hide what she’s doing on the computer and become angry when you ask to see what she’s doing?
- Have you caught him in lies about what he’s doing on the computer?
- Does she lock the door to her room when she uses her computer?
- Are teachers, friends, or coaches reporting a behavior problem?

Some of this is what we expect of teens—they do and should change; it’s a matter of parental judgment whether the change is spiraling out of control and your parental responsibility to exercise your right to mitigate inappropriate behavior. Possibly the most productive and empowering way to prevent problems is clear communication of expectations—a written computer-use contract serves this purpose well. A good contract clearly spells out each party’s responsibilities and commitments and the consequences for breaking that contract. These can include time limits on your child’s use of the computer and limits on the hours when the computer can be used, insisting that the computer be used with an open door, or that it be used in public spaces. It can also include taking the computer away altogether, even if the child bought it with their own money. The good news is that eventually children do internalize the discipline that parents impose on them.

And now with summer approaching, I would encourage parents to ensure that their children get away from the computer altogether and spend some time outdoors. Leave the computer for a rainy day.

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Karelle Scharff, information technologist and the owner of Best MacSolutions is an Apple Certified Help Desk Specialist and a member of Apple Consultants Network, (www.bestmacsolutions.com), based in Ward. She provides training, service and support to small businesses, home-based business and individuals. Karelle teaches beginning Mac OS X classes in at the Longmont Free University (check their schedules at www.longmontfreeu.org). Questions about classes or Macs? Call her at (303) 459-3363.